Google Boarding School Syndrome and you will find plenty of information. A psychotherapist Joy Schaverien came up with the phrase, used to describe psychological problems that extend into adulthood as a function of being sent away at an early age. Don’t I know it: I tootled off to boarding school aged 6. The youngest I knew was a little Nigerian girl, aged 4, in my dorm when I was 10!
Suffice to say, leaving a loving family at an early age, isn’t not going to have an impact on your psyche. It took into my 20’s to understand the experience from a head perspective. I knew my parents loved me and it was one of circumstance, however, a little person doesn’t exactly know what to do with the emotional experience at the age of 6 or 4 and so will bury this. Subconsciously it may then manifest in relationships as a struggle to be close to someone or my case be fiercely independent and utterly un-reliant on anyone.
This is not about our relationship with our parents. This is about our emotional response to that experience. In victim state, we seek someone to be responsible for how we feel. From a more spiritual perspective, we take responsibility for our emotional responses. Until there is no more reaction. We see the events from a neutral stance. This, as always, requires lots of (self) love and compassion.
When I started my spiritual journey and healing the inner child, I was quite surprised how deep I had buried things. Revisiting key moments is critical. In my case the first day at 6. Not just the moment the door shut (I always remember feeling like I was in a giants house the front door of the school was so big), but also leaving Grandmas to go to school, the journey, the unpacking of my belongings, the last cuddles, the tears after the door had shut and so on. I think you get the picture.
Revisiting the timeline is critical to the point of immense details. Running back and forth along that timeline is essential to clear remaining residual effects. Releasing it is key. A good cry will always work (and yes, I acknowledge, not so easy if you’re a boy who has been taught not to show emotion from an early age). Trust me, it requires release.
It takes time. And patience. And seeing this through eyes of you as a child to understand. And like all our gritty emotional experiences, with love and compassion it can be healed.
Love and hugs, Charlie xx
P.S For further information re: Inner Child Healing, please see last week’s blog:
Inner Child Healing – Healing Childhood Trauma – Community Retreats
